She sits him down in a stiff chair
Rubs his back and strokes his hair
Telling him its okay to cry
But he just sits and stares
The merciless moon outside
Has nothing now he’s come to realize
Only the desolation he feels
The cold distance inside
~Mumford and Sons Lyrics from Feel the Tide
I feel “off” today. I can’t determine whether it’s my energy or the energy of the people around me.
I had a really intense conversation/connection with a couple friends yesterday about the past year. They agreed 2012 was the worse year since the dawn of time. These two friends basically had the same experiences as I had with moving to a different state and coming back within 2 months. How odd. Does that happen often? This couple was promised some things by a long time friend and the things he spoke of fell through. They moved from Florida to New Jersey with the promise of a new start and ended up being sucked into a mess. Luckily they were in tune with the situation and even though they tried, you can’t make someone be something they aren’t…especially if they aren’t ready for it.
They cut their losses, turned around and headed back home. Time and money now spent. The trust of their family and friends knocked off balance. Uncertain about their future and out of their own place to live. It was good to feel someone truly understood where I was coming from but at the same time…it was draining for all 3 of us. Just talking about it drudged up the feelings that are still warmly simmering, just beneath the surface.
I moved to South Carolina in January and back to Florida in February. After our talk I found myself feeling anxious and angry. Angry at myself for not paying attention to the signs. Angry for putting myself in that situation.
Am I glad it happened? No. Not at all. If it hadn’t of happened I’d still be saving up money to pay my car off. I’d still be working. I’d still be living with my mother, whom I know is lonely. I’d have Chewy snuggling with me every night and welcoming me when I come home. Oh no, I’m still a tad bit bitter.
Did I learn things about myself that will be helpful in the future? Sure. If I couldn’t learn things from bad experiences I’d probably hate life. Luckily I am hopeful and I somehow acquired this little thing along the way called “resiliency”.
Good things that have happened recently. I’ve had two interviews in two weeks. I try not to only think good thoughts about Chewy. I have a gracious roommate that keeps me smiling. I haven’t watched TV in 3 weeks and I have met a handful of new friends I never would’ve known anywhere else. I went to my first drum circle (and played the drums…for about 4 hours straight).
Attended my first vegetarian potluck. Met new people. Rode my bike to the beach to see the full moon.
Made my own juice for the first time, ever. Ingredients: 1/2 a cucumber. Handful of kale. Spinach. Piece of my aloe plant. A beet. Beets are my F A V O R I T E things to put in juice. Here’s how it turned out.
See what I did there?
Now I feel a tad bit better. I’m looking forward to making more bloody beet juice, attending RAM (Riverside Arts Market) this weekend, walking to the beach, going back to the local farmers market and getting some of that weird looking broccoli/cauliflower stuff and attending Art Walk next Wednesday and spending some more quality time with new friends.
Life’s okay sometimes.