The Sensitive Storm

Beneath the surface, a storm brews.

Category: Auttism


She sits him down in a stiff chair

Rubs his back and strokes his hair

Telling him its okay to cry

But he just sits and stares

The merciless moon outside

Has nothing now he’s come to realize

Only the desolation he feels

The cold distance inside

~Mumford and Sons Lyrics from Feel the Tide

I feel “off” today. I can’t determine whether it’s my energy or the energy of the people around me.

I had a really intense conversation/connection with a couple friends yesterday about the past year. They agreed 2012 was the worse year since the dawn of time. These two friends basically had the same experiences as I had with moving to a different state and coming back within 2 months. How odd. Does that happen often? This couple was promised some things by a long time friend and the things he spoke of fell through. They moved from Florida to New Jersey with the promise of a new start and ended up being sucked into a mess. Luckily they were in tune with the situation and even though they tried, you can’t make someone be something they aren’t…especially if they aren’t ready for it.

They cut their losses, turned around and headed back home. Time and money now spent. The trust of their family and friends knocked off balance. Uncertain about their future and out of their own place to live. It was good to feel someone truly understood where I was coming from but at the same time…it was draining for all 3 of us. Just talking about it drudged up the feelings that are still warmly simmering, just beneath the surface.

I moved to South Carolina in January and back to Florida in February. After our talk I found myself feeling anxious and angry. Angry at myself for not paying attention to the signs. Angry for putting myself in that situation.

Am I glad it happened? No. Not at all. If it hadn’t of happened I’d still be saving up money to pay my car off. I’d still be working. I’d still be living with my mother, whom I know is lonely. I’d have Chewy snuggling with me every night and welcoming me when I come home. Oh no, I’m still a tad bit bitter.

Did I learn things about myself that will be helpful in the future? Sure. If I couldn’t learn things from bad experiences I’d probably hate life. Luckily I am hopeful and I somehow acquired this little thing along the way called “resiliency”.

Good things that have happened recently. I’ve had two interviews in two weeks. I try not to only think good thoughts about Chewy. I have a gracious roommate that keeps me smiling. I haven’t watched TV in 3 weeks and I have met a handful of new friends I never would’ve known anywhere else. I went to my first drum circle (and played the drums…for about 4 hours straight).

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Attended my first vegetarian potluck. Met new people. Rode my bike to the beach to see the full moon.

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Made my own juice for the first time, ever. Ingredients: 1/2 a cucumber. Handful of kale. Spinach. Piece of my aloe plant. A beet. Beets are my F A V O R I T E things to put in juice. Here’s how it turned out.

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See what I did there?

Now I feel a tad bit better. I’m looking forward to making more bloody beet juice, attending RAM (Riverside Arts Market) this weekend, walking to the beach, going back to the local farmers market and getting some of that weird looking broccoli/cauliflower stuff  and attending Art Walk next Wednesday and spending some more quality time with new friends.

Life’s okay sometimes.

High Sensitivity vs Aspergers Syndrome

Well, what’s the difference?

I really don’t know. I’m asking.

Here’s an email I received from a close friend today that prompted the questions.

“I hope you don’t take what im about to tell you the wrong way but have you realized that sometimes you have moments of somebody with Aspergers? Where your words are hurtful but you didn’t mean it to be and for others that don’t know u really well might think that you have no empathy for how others might feel with your hard words…”

I had a therapist {and a handful of friends} tell me she thinks I am on the spectrum. What’s the “spectrum” you ask? Well, it isn’t Skittles. It’s not the rainbow of flavors. It isn’t a spectrum of color. It isn’t a Florence and The Machine Song. It’s an autism spectrum. Now, I know there are a lot of people out there that are more knowledgeable about the subject than I am but well, this is my blog and…I do what I want!  Here’s this thing I was asked to take a couple years ago.


168/200? I’ve often wondered how much this effects my life. One question the therapist asked me sticks out in my mind. She asked if I have always felt behind. She went on to explain that as an adult have I noticed everyone around me developing at a seemingly normal pace and did I find myself feeling behind or that I couldn’t catch up or do the things others do. This relates in many areas including moving out of my parents house, having sex, developing relationships, and more.

I am a late bloomer. And I mean, if I plant something this spring it will blossom in a few years. When all of my friends were having sex {at 18} my “boyfriend” was breaking up with me because I wouldn’t kiss him. Noises, weird social things, people, distractions, feeling easily overwhelmed, food allergies, anxiety, having Tourette’s {way worse when I was younger but I still have tics that are made worse with caffeine & sugar intake}, sleep issues, coming across as rude or hurtful {that’s what they tell me}, clumsiness, issues with people touching me, rituals I do, visual preference, high intelligence *wink wink* my intense obsession with astrology and numbers and the way I am proud of myself for remembering to say “thank you for sharing that” or “hi, how are you” when I place a phone call {which I usually refrain from doing} instead of just  jumping into the reason I called. {Aint nobody got time for small talk}

I could sit and list all the things that could possibly give me a diagnosis of Aspergers but my intention isn’t to convince you {or myself} I have it or not. I really want to create a dialogue that discusses fundamental differences between the trait of high sensitivity vs autism. Has anyone done any research on the topic or have any  personal experiences they can share that will possibly help shed light on what I’m asking? Do any of you who identify as sensitive also have a diagnosis of Autism?