The Sensitive Storm

Beneath the surface, a storm brews.

Category: Uncategorized

Fight or Flight

“Because avoiding stimulating situations reduces anxiety, the person may duck the very experiences that can balance the nervous system, like sex, camraderie, or a workout at the gym, thereby increasing defensiveness and avoidance” ~ Sharon Heller, Ph.d

I just finished reading this book.

9780060932923_p0_v3_s260x420

I learned ton about sensory defensiveness (SD) or sensory processing disorder. A ton. A few years ago I read The Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) by Elaine Aaron and it was enlightening. I wish I would’ve learned more about HSP stuff years ago. Aside from being highly sensitive, I’m also sensory defensive. I may be highly sensitive because I’m sensory defensive or vice versa. I’m not sure. I don’t really care either way. For now I’m just glad I have an explanation for the way I’ve felt all my life. So, it’s not just some BS I made up because I want to sit in the front seat.

I still have unanswered questions because much of the current research on SD relates to children. There is not much research relating to SD and adults. Another confusing thing is there is a lot of information about SD being related to Autism implying that a SD diagnosis is not it’s own thing. From what I’ve read it seems there must be something else attached to it (like Autism). Not just a diagnose (of sorts) of SD by itself.

The author talks a lot about different types of defensiveness. She basically puts a name to all the things I’ve always felt but never had a name for. I may not have a proper medical description of any of these but well, this is my blog, not the Mayo Clinic. Here are the ones that resonate with me.

Check out this awesome list of symptoms I discovered:

http://www.spdlife.org/symptoms/general.html (It really upsets me that my link button is broken and I have to put all that text in here)

Auditory Defensiveness – first and foremost this is the one I have the most difficult time with. Very few people can pick this up in me. It’s helpful when someone else can though, because sometimes I forget or I don’t realize there’s a problem until its too late. I become completely disorganized when there’s a lot of noise. I become disorganized when a song comes on that resonates with me…I can become “lost” so to speak. It’s really difficult to navigate through noise.

Movement Defensiveness (Vestibular)- this is basically being ultra sensitive to movement. Quick movement. Ups and downs. Going up, going down. Motion sickness. Not liking being tipped over or pushed *jokingly. Having a fear of falling. Elevators. Eek!

Light Defensiveness – Obviously being super sensitive to light. I worked part time at Target once for about 2 months. I quit because I had a headache very day. I’m assuming it was because of the lighting. I mentioned it to the person “in charge” and he said he’s had a few people tell him the same thing. He assumes it’s the fluorescent lighting. (The sun. Need I say more?)

Tactile Defensiveness – Basically being easily overwhelmed by ordinary things like textures, tags on shirts, normal touch, etc. Wet hair on my back-after a shower-gives me the creeps just thinking about it.

One time I was pulling a weed off a tree that had grown up through as a vine. It had these little seeds on it which didn’t bother me until one jumped on my arm! I screamed. It was like the look I see on people’s faces when someone does a weird sound with a chalkboard. I can’t tell you how much I freaked out. I cannot STAND cold or wet things bumping or getting on my skin without my knowing it’s coming.

Since I’ve been able to learn more about myself I’ve observed different things I notice that signal when I’m in distress. It’s good to be able to do this because when you do you can possibly stave off some very bad situations and feelings.

Here’s how I know when I’ve reached my (un)optimal level of arousal:

Deep breaths accompanied by heavy sighs

Constant movement

Inability to focus

General agitation *snapping at people*

I eat cookies. Cookies ground me. Oh, and IHop pancakes (yuck)

People don’t think this a real thing. Tough people say “get over it”.¬†Well, I can’t just “get over it”. Don’t you know I’m the rabbit?

 

 

 

Color Me Rad Photos {Jacksonville, FL}

Color_me_rad

Let me be clear. I didn’t run this. I wanted to. I started to train for it back in November but when I moved to SC I never got back “on track” (pun intended) and haven’t picked it back up.

Yet.

Ehile I was there cheering on my friend Jordan (and watching her daughter while she & her husband ran) I was able to snap a few shots.

Heavy In Your Arms

{She can say it better than I can…}

I was a heavy heart to carry
My beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown.

I was a heavy heart to carry
My feet dragged across the ground
And he took me to the river
Where he slowly let me drown

My love has concrete feet
My love’s an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

I’m so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms
I’m so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms

And is it worth the wait
All this killing time?
Are you strong enough to stand
Protecting both your heart and mine?

Who is the betrayer?
Who’s the killer in the crowd?
The one who creeps in corridors
And doesn’t make a sound

My love has concrete feet
My love’s an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

My love has concrete feet
My love’s an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

I’m so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms
I’m so heavy, heavy
So heavy in your arms

This will be my last confession
I love you never felt like any blessing
Oh
Whispering like it’s a secret
Only to condemn the one who hears it
With a heavy heart

Heavy, heavy, I’m so heavy in your arms
(I’m so) Heavy, heavy, I’m so heavy in your arms
(I’m so) Heavy, heavy, I’m so heavy in your arms
(I’m so) Heavy, heavy, I’m so heavy in your arms

I was a heavy heart to carry
My beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown

I was a heavy heart to carry
But he never let me down
When he had me in his arms
My feet never touched the ground

I’m so heavy, heavy in your arms.

Heavy, I’m so heavy in your arms.